im relieved that this term is almost over. its been a stressful term, i feel. too much has happened in too short a time and the feeling of everything crammed together makes time feel claustrophobic. been weaving through spates of downfalls first came the ilnesses the ankle and then the illness again and through all these was the ups and downs of nationals, of the bitter taste of disappointment, sadness and of course those happy emotions i dont say.
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i wonder how much of what i write is real.
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test results have come back. chemistry was disappointing. i wanted better. i haven't gotten biology back yet. but i think im statisfied. math was a big failure. i felt terrible after that. history was good. i guess i can only blame myself sometimes. i know i can do far better. i know i am capable of much more. but after sec3. ive changed. im lost my focus or drive. or maybe, i havent. i've just refocused it somewhere else. i do believe i can get better than what i get, i do believe that i am far more capable. its just that well, even though im not doing badly. i simply study far less than what everyone does. makes me feel ike abum. because i know with a little more effort i could ace again. somethings are effortless. its a pity not everything is.
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