Moved.
I'll keep this blog open.
I'll probably move back one day.
Moving back to my OLD blog.

http://pukd.livejournal.com

11:27 PM;

do people actually read this?
are you reading this?

if you are.
say hi.

8:37 PM;

im relieved that this term is almost over. its been a stressful term, i feel. too much has happened in too short a time and the feeling of everything crammed together makes time feel claustrophobic. been weaving through spates of downfalls first came the ilnesses the ankle and then the illness again and through all these was the ups and downs of nationals, of the bitter taste of disappointment, sadness and of course those happy emotions i dont say.
-
i wonder how much of what i write is real.
-
test results have come back. chemistry was disappointing. i wanted better. i haven't gotten biology back yet. but i think im statisfied. math was a big failure. i felt terrible after that. history was good. i guess i can only blame myself sometimes. i know i can do far better. i know i am capable of much more. but after sec3. ive changed. im lost my focus or drive. or maybe, i havent. i've just refocused it somewhere else. i do believe i can get better than what i get, i do believe that i am far more capable. its just that well, even though im not doing badly. i simply study far less than what everyone does. makes me feel ike abum. because i know with a little more effort i could ace again. somethings are effortless. its a pity not everything is.
-

5:32 PM;

exhaustion is a drug,
seeps into your bones
clings.
then comes the cracks,
lines the facade you live.
clinging.
until everything falls
piece by piece.
clung.

i feel very tired. one day full of maths with very little rest will do that to you. one day of hell because of two days of procrastination. ITS STILL WORTH IT. oh well. math, the bane of my existence, the origin of my ode to sorrow. how i abhor thee! (: but embrace thee i shalt, for the sake of my A!

(but i'm still very tired)
i need/want/will sleep. soon.

on a positive note, i played pretty well during league yesterday against New Pioneer, UCSC won 3-1 :) yay! i hope we can get champions. like really badly. i won lizzie, 3-1. FINALLY. a win is always sweeter after a loss. i odn't think its because i improved in the 1 and a half months since i last played her. if anything, i should've deproved, looking at my sucky training schedule- non-existent- i think its because i just feel calmer, more at peace with myself, maybe steadier mentally? and i always feel like im getting to know the game better, or FINALLY beginning to get to know the game. zeslene had a close fight lost 3-2 but it was REALLY close. everyone played pretty well.

its worth the muscle ache.

to bed i shall descend!
bonne nuit!

10:37 PM;

isnt it strange how things change.
things you expect to be constants in your life or with you for damn long suddenly slip away and you try to catch it but it flows like water through your clenched fist away from your grasp.

i was reading a blog just now and it just made me feel utterly sad, completely destroyed my sunday afternoon. isnt it strange how promises are so readily broken when they're meant to be forever, and relationships once broken are really forever. isn't it ironic that what should be good and true never lasts and what shouldnt do? these few days, talking to people and reminiscing about things that once was and now isnt made me feel more vulnerable-

that life isnt really all that long and you never know what happens the next day, that everything is fragile and breaks when theres a slight crack, that somethings in life just cant be solved that relationships are intangible but they can shatter, that promises are farces, that forever means never

this isnt an angsty post. i dont feel angsty now, just sort of morose and sad. because life really is too short to bitch and angst and hate; so i firmly do not believe in it, but well, i guess, at this point in time, i just feel SAD thats all.

i wonder if you know you're the catalyst?

life is really nothing but threads- that twist and turn and knot but eventually break.

1:23 PM;

i sprained my bloody ankle
i guess that means i cant run 2.4km on wednesday.
gah to pain.

9:52 PM;

i'm feeling pretty happy at this moment, surprising taking into account my impending history test that currently looms about every moment of slacking i indulge in as a constant and very irritating reminder. and also taking account the fact that IM NOT PREPARED FOR IT YET. but i am suddenly overwhelmed by this permeating sense of optimism so i feel good about it(: and im sure i'll do fine. im really feeling good today! i guess its because i finally found my NYAA bookletS which were until previously, completely MIA.

spent hours looking for them and i finally did, along with a whole chunk of memorabilia that i unearthed in the deep reccesses of my cupboard including my secondary one work. and surprise surprise. when i dug through the mess the cupboardunderthewindows (just like harry potter, except mine is under the window not the stairs!) i found stuff like SWEETS. gasp. from goodness knows when. suffice to say i threw it away. and the sense of RELIEF i felt when i found the books. gosh. i had already conjured up images of me writing letters to the school to request that i'd be allowed to graduate despite neglecting to complete NYAA which is supposedly mandatory.

how did the fleeting seconds the weekend was fly past?
i actually had a great weekend.

true to my name, i slacked. watched a movie on friday with alicia, Fracture, starring Anthony Hopkins and Ryan Gosling. I have concluded that Anthony Hopkins is a FABULOUS psychopath seriously. no one can act a murderer better than he. the cool, crisp way he speaks and how his eyes just looks. marvellous. but this movie wasnt as freaky and dear old Hopkins was nowhere as insane as he was as Hannibal Lector. Ryan Gosling. he can act. he acted very well. not your typical goodlooking Hollywood actor but decent. the movie was not bad. but sort of draggy, and the ending was quite anticlimax. but it was fun watching with alicia and taking a break from the tedium of studying. the movie started at 935, got home past midnight.

and it makes me happy to know that my parents are really marvellous(: i mean how many singaporeans would allow their children to go to orchard for a late night movie until past midnight alone, with only a 1hr prior notice? MY MOM(: i love my mommy.


picture we took in front of a poster of spongebob at cine. yeah. we're wearing the same shirt -.- we bought it together from topshop. and we both wore it on the same day-.-





other than that, which was the best part of the weekend, i spent most of my time studying a little. reading. reading. looking for NYAA book. sleeping LESS than i do on weekdays:/and i shall start a new week

looking forward to the next weekend(:

5:14 PM;

PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.
even though i went last week, i wanted to post this since then but never got around to doing it!

me and alicia went alone to watch it. after church (sunday 2pm was our show) we went for lunch at newyorknewyork, citylink mall(: to be honest, i dont even understand myself sometimes. haha. the food was okay. the decoration of the restaurant was funky. and me and alicia had tons of stupid fun doing stupid stuff.
phantom was <3. the music was really really GOOD and our seats were really good. first floor sort of center. and it just made me very nostalgic because well, i grew up listening to phantom of the opera songs and hearing it for the first time live with all the right acostics and environment and stuff made me feel this indescribable happiness. it made me wanna cry(:

11:31 AM;

hooray for the demise of chemistry test!
i'm glad its over. no more mugging. and mugging. and mugging. and i really need to catch up on sleep. the past two nighs i spent wallowing in chemistry and i'm sick of sleeping late. i am TIRED. so im glad that it ended today and although next week will be worse. at least i can take a break first(: i don't know how i did. didn't really study as much as i would have liked?

played ruth on monday for league. UCSC won Combined Schools. YAY! 3-1. Zeslene lost to Ruiling, close fight. I won Ruth 3-0. Which makes me feel happy. I'm feeling happy about my squash.

i'm happy today(:

2:57 PM;

i'm wallowing in my boredom. i think of all the things to feel on a sunday mornng, boredom sucks seriously. its worse than being too damn busy. being too damn free sucks like hell too, especially when you know that you're not supposed to be free, you have a ton of work to do but you just can't get your lazy ass off to do it. that'll be me, ladies and gentleman. please give some applause.

but aside from that gnawing feeling, i realised i was screwed when after surfing mindlessly through the net i actually considered playing neopets and i tried to sign in and i realised i forgot my password. when one reaches the stage in which one has resorted to franternising with mindless, childhood games- that is the ulimate sign or boredom. bring out the chemistry textbook someone!

the house has descended into a blissful sort of silence that comes about only on sunday mornings. my parents are marketing. my brother somewhere. my sister sleeping. only me. bored. and aunty(the maid) washing the toilet. so aside from the steady tap on the keyboard;yes i type well, thank you very much, and the sound of water gushing into the toiletbowl there's nothing much else.

i'll be going out with alicia later to shop along orchard before going somewhere nice but expensive for lunch, paid from our own budgets (sister bonding) and then off to phantom. i honestly can't wait. and i thank God everyday, and this is not sarcastic, that my parents are who they am, that i can be born in the lap of luxury- or at least close to the ultimate anyway, and that my parents can afford to buy me ridiculously expensive musical tickets at $180 per seat. so i really have to thank God because i am so darn fortunate and i know that i should be doing something about it. like volunteering my services to greenpeace or whatever organisation and give back to society. and i hope i get around to doing all those wonderful idealistic and noble dreams but i guess its sad because right now i feel as inspired as a lump of rock and i'm just sitting before the computer typing a load of rubbish onto a blog im not sure anyone actually reads. so much for giving back.

not that im not ungrateful, of course.
i do love my parents to bits.

on a more positive and less somber/depressive/ note, (i shall stop ranting) i'm going to watch King Lear. Yes all you jealous Shakespeare/Ian Mckellen (?) fans! die in your jealousy! we booked tickets yesterday online, and i'm going to watch dear old ian bear his rump. and suffer the onslaught of verses with iambic paremters. i swear, language arts is getting to me. and i promise to read King Lear before i watch the play; more from fear that i don't understand a thing on the actual day.

i'm feeling pretty damnweird today.

10:22 AM;

AN ODE TO MY SORE THROAT

Sick
by Shel Silverstein


"I cannot go to school today,"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay,
"I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash, and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox
And there's one more--that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut, my eyes are blue--
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke--
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb,
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is--what?
What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is---Saturday?
G'bye, I'm going out to play!"

11:59 AM;

i'm 16.
i'm 16.
i'm 16.

it has a strange sound to it.

i'm 16.
i still can't believe it.

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR GIVING ME A GREAT BIRTHDAY(:
it was fun, despite me spending more time flipping satays than playing, and that massive loss of voice sore throat i am still nursing, the party was great, though i won't repeat it again i feel. for my 17th, i'm just gonna invite a few people for dinner. something small((: haha but that's one year too early so... anyway... shoutouts.

alicia;for the adidas yellow bag(: thank you LOTS and I LOVE YOU. looks like you really know me damn well...
noelle;milan kunundera, haha i'm glad it was short stories i felt like reading some short prose recently(:
cheronne;the book you gave me sounds wicked!
amandas;red rose? hahah i do read comics, first time reading a graphic novel but it looks good(:
lishianyinazhuoxuan;thanks for the shirt with the red fuzzball thing!(: i love the gold wrapper it came with haha!
muisuan;your hamburger cup was WET when i opened it(:
zhiying;you gave me a dustbin. IS THAT A HINT OR WHAT(: hahha<3
huiwei;the forkandspoon thing was darn cute!!(:
dernieserebecca;ohman i'm sorry i couldn't tell it was the dog biscuit thing but IT TASTES GOOD LAH(:
classmates;the elephant shirt-yuqincaljiawen, you guys really did buy me something like a stuffed elephant! HAHA! and thanks for the books too, the poetry book, the comic and the book on english goofs, MUAH.
brendawoonlue;oh man. spongebob balloon. its still hanging in my room lah! x)
chenxi;your lucky stars have class man, they're the nicest ones i've seen ever(:

to those who came to the party:
amandas,yina,lishian,cheronne,noelle,muisuan,huiwei,zhiying,brenda,
chenxi,woonlue,jiawen,rebecca,derniese,yuqin,cal,chaiping,hanchih,liwen(: THANK YOU FOR COMING!

to all these other people:
kewei,zhuoxuan,zixuan,yanliang,linghan,jan,aileen,liann,timothy,natalie-ohman i cant remember the rest(: THANKYOU FOR YOUR SMESandPRESENTS!

and of course to:
mom,dad,joel,aunty for the party and its success

to God for giving me such a lovely family and great friends and a fabulous life(:



[but they've already fallen]

4:49 PM;

i turn 16 tomorrow.
its bittersweet.



[and they all come falling down]

9:11 PM;

I feel good.
I've been playing on form these two days, yesterday and today, and i'm confident, i feel good about myself and i have lots of hope(: played really well today too, 5 sets against chenxi, two sets against shiyuan and alicia, and before that, 6 games of doubles and 20mins of kings. i LASTED. someone should give me an award(:

tomorrow is really the big day! and i believe in all of us, i believe in nysquash. talking to chenxi today for damn long really made me realise how much i depend on you guys and how you guys have been great(: not only because you guys keep constantly forgiving me for being such a crappy captain, but also for being there all the time. i don't really know how to put this into words. how do you put 4 years of friendship and sweat into mere black letters on a computer screen? the truth is you can't. and i dont know how to say it. except that thank you everyone for this.

for chenxi, for always believing in me, for knowing me better than i know myself, for training with me all this while since secondary one, my faithful training parter and doubles partner, for the encouragement, for not giving up, for the passion, for the tears, for that 16-15 match, for the promise in secondary one, for being there. THANK YOU.

for woonlue, for six years of friendship, for always cracking me up, for the lame jokes, for being the neutral party in our team, for always lending a listening ear and those hours gossiping, for being a SPONGE(: for being my lespartner, for loosening all of us, for being you, for the tyoconess, for the belief, the optimism and the confidence. THANK YOU.

for brenda, for the english songs that no one else but two of us know how to sing, for those times we talked on the phone and outside, for the serious conversation, for the lameness and knowking me on my head and laughing at me, for the moments together and the times in understanding, for being reasonble and optimistic and trusting ourselves when no one else did. THANK YOU.

the other thank you's will come tomorrow.
lets make this my best birthday ever!
GO NYSQ.

8:37 PM;

i am three quarters way through 100 posts. go me.

well, this week has been mad, really. a whirlwind of activity and rush and bustle and madness and its over so damn fast. 2007 seems to be going faster than 2006. maybe life goes faster as you get older; seems to be a trend these few years.

i cant wait for next week. there are so many things to look forward to. looking forward to my matches on monday, ffm and league, nervously excited for wednesday against rgs, and overriding all these is of course THURSDAY(: gosh i cant wait to turn 16. though it seems strange somehow. 16 sounds old. its a sure sign childhood is over and whats ahead is the looming threat of adulthood- gasp! yet i cant really imagine myself as a 16 year old. do i look 16? do i feel 16? makes me wonder how i'll feel like when im 60.

to 16.
in anticipation.

10:31 PM;